Look into my Eyes and trust in Me

“If someone is supposed to propagate the Dharma and their behavior is harmful, it is our responsibility to criticize this with a good motivation. This is constructive criticism, and you do not need to feel uncomfortable doing it. In “The Twenty Verses on the Bodhisattvas’ Vows,” it says that there is no fault in whatever action you engage in with pure motivation. Buddhist teachers who abuse sex, power, money, alcohol, or drugs, and who, when faced with legitimate complaints from their own students, do not correct their behavior, should be criticized openly and by name. This may embarrass them and cause them to regret and stop their abusive behavior. Exposing the negative allows space for the positive side to increase. When publicizing such misconduct, it should be made clear that such teachers have disregarded the Buddha’s advice. However, when making public the ethical misconduct of a teacher, it is only fair to mention their good qualities as well.” – Dalai Lama, Ethics in the Teacher-Student Relationship, 1993

Ok it’s time. Inspired by Dalai Lama’s wisdom. Let’s speak about the elephant in the room. Or in this case a cult leader. I was trapped. Trapped in a cult. And leaving that cult about one year ago was a once in a lifetime experience. I wish it to no one. Cults deeply mess with your mind and if you don’t have strong wise friends on your side who assure you your sanity I’m not sure one can escape the severe mind manipulation that cult leaders play on their members.

It is an intense challenge to digest that the surrender of seekers is misused for self-gratification of worldly, physical and spiritual needs. And it is pure torture to then observe on top vicious actions towards ex followers who decided to leave the group. I never experienced anything like that. I survived and carry scars from it. However I’m not sure another woman would survive this too. I see many seekers who still deeply mentally struggle.

My ego said “Let me remain silent and not share how blinded I was.”. But divine mother demands “Speak your truth fearlessly.” Maybe it helps others who are trapped as well. See normally I don’t get whined up about the drama play on earth. However what I deeply care for is sincere seeking to realize the Self. I live in India and regard seeking of the absolute Truth as most sacred. No one should ever misuse the sacred role of Guru and Disciple. It is for that reason that I feel compelled to offer my experience to other seekers as well.

“Look into my eyes and trust in me.” says snake Kaa ( http://bit.ly/1qy5D5Y ). What a perfect fit to this. I spare you from the full details of getting trapped and what it all entailed. It’s a very disturbing narration. Do eye cards and root shaktipat sound familiar to some of you? This is a branch of a tantric practice called Vashyam and creates strong bonding towards the individual. Operation tactics tick all the typical cult points as well: the lure of liberation/salvation for his closest disciples. Embedding fear of falling from grace and of being reborn as an animal if all experiences about him are expressed. Promoting a wrongly positioned Bhakti and surrender as a method not to have his behavior and physical needs questioned. The list goes on. You may find this link helpful as well http://bit.ly/2lK67fN  (note: please read it as the abusive who misuses the name of Guru). But I had experiences you may say. Yes and these are YOUR experiences. YOU created them. Nobody should take credit for it nor take name and ownership of the divine consciousness. We must understand how mind and consciousness works. Please watch the Kumare movie, till the end ( http://bit.ly/TxSVHy ). It sincerely demonstrates the cause of experiences. See an external object may serve as a tool to have an inner experience. Adi Shankaracharya said even a broken pot can be your Guru if you surrender to it. However the difference here is that a broken pot does not have any self-interest.

More interestingly, let’s explore what exactly happened from the perspective of consciousness and attraction. Let’s look at Patanjali Yoga Sutra 52 which says “Sthanyupanimantrane sangasmayakaranam punaranistaprasangat”. It translates into English “On being invited by the Devadas there should be no attachment and pride, because of the possibility of revival of the undesirable.” It means after the manifestation of Siddhis, the Sadhaka becomes the object of respectful invitation from the powers in charge of direct actions, for example the Devadas. In such circumstances he should not show any attachment or pride, otherwise there is the possibility of revival of undesirable reactions. The Sadhaka then suffers from physical or mental troubles. This sounds very familiar to my experiences with this cult leader too. He did have advanced attractions, which he used for his self-interests and therefore started to show mental and physical disturbances. I wish nobody the events I encountered once I left that cult. The cult leader was not happy; many of his hopes for me to expand his mission were shattered and he feared my exit could arise doubts in his followers. He started incredible campaigns, primarily against my friend, with a bizarre obsession to bother about my personal life after I exited his group (peacefully and professionally btw).

The challenges I encountered gifted indescribable deepened spiritual awareness and learning. Immense blessings enabled an escape from this trap 14 months ago. However I observe how others still deeply struggle, how it severely messes up lives and families and how challenging it is for seekers to regain their inner clarity and to steadily walk their path again. What I found interesting to observe during my research on this matter is that cult members actually do observe clear signs of misalignment in their leader and organization. Their inner voice tells them if something does not add up. Yet the successfully embedded fear by the cult that ‘the lower mind speaks to them and should not be trusted’, that ‘they lack bhakti and surrender’ and that ‘they can never understand the operation level of their leader’ pushes their inner knowledge and intuition to be set aside. You know already. Observe. Acknowledge. Listen to your inner voice. Your highest Guru is your own Self. Honor that. Always.

[ Note: Cult is a subjective term. I use the term cult just for the sake of abbreviation or clarity, and referring to groups with a high degree of manipulation, control, coercion, exploitation and abuse or structures that undermine the freedom of an individual, binding him or her ever closer to the group and its leader and making him or her more and more dependent and unfree. ]

[ You may find this link interesting “Exploring the mind of a conman”: http://ajitvadakayil.blogspot.in/2013/01/exploring-mind-of-con-man-capt-ajit.html ]


2 thoughts on “Look into my Eyes and trust in Me

  1. So sorry to hear that this happened to you. Something very similar happened to me as well when I was learning yoga in Rishikesh. Many teachers here manipulate innocent seekers to their needs. They use spirituality and karma yoga as excuses to use people and when you question or say something against them then they say that you are selfish and not following the path. These mind games can be so confusing! No? A difficult lesson learned but I am certainly happy that I learned it. Break the illusion, right? It is a sad reality that my experiences made me turn away from these beautiful practices. But I have recently begun to separate the wrong doings of some people from the still great practices that they taught. Blame the teacher, not the practice! Would love to connect with you sometime, sounds like we are like minded. If not though, all the best on your journey! I am inspired by your thoughts and work! (:

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing dear Bella. I’m really glad that you had your time to digest and leave behind past experiences and pain. What a treasure it is to follow our direct knowledge that leads us to realize the Self. Most welcome to reach out and connect 🙂 You’ll find me on Facebook as well.


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